The Apostrophe and the Impostrophe
Punctuation can get "banana's" sometimes.
It’s called the Grocer’s Apostrophe because mistakes using this small little jot show up most noticeably on signs for produce, shop sales and often, in the most random and unusual places. It’s fodder for hundreds of memes and snarky cartoons.
First of all, let’s get the rules out of the way. In the previous sentence, there’s an apostrophe. That one too. The use of the apostrophe in both let’s and there’s is a contraction. The apostrophe indicates that something was left out: us and is. Don’t, won’t, shouldn’t leave out the o in not, and also smush the n into the main verb do and will. (There’s something else going on with will to won’t, but that we can tackle another day.)
Another instance of the apostrophe is to indicate possession, most of the time. It is not used with possessive pronouns: hers, theirs, his, ours, its. (There’s no such thing as its’ by the way.) But it is used with nouns: the dog’s bone, the queen’s castle, the grocer’s signs. Also proper names: Kate Middleton’s chauffeur, America’s pastime, Taylor Swift’s popularity.
When there are plurals involved, things get tricksy but the rule is simple and this is where grocers and other sign writers need to listen up. Plurals that are formed with the –s ending DO NOT need an apostrophe. Dogs, cats, shower curtains, croissants and high heels are plural. Not dog’s, dogs’; not croissants’.
Words that are pluralized like children, women, and men do not need an apostrophe UNLESS they are plural possessives: children’s care, women’s room, men’s golf. Not childrens’, womens’ or mens’.
Usually this stuff is just run of the mill grammar stuff, or some light-hearted humor. But in fact, punctuation can cause problems, if not controversy and betrayal.
In a previous job, I was the writer/editor and publisher for a non-profit membership magazine, and I also made sure our marketing messages were clear and consistent. The mission statement could be boiled down to two words and one phrase. However, at some point, the board made some final edits without considering simple SNAFUs with the wording.
Under the guise of anonymity, let’s say this is a golfing organization. The mission statement may have been “recreation, education and golfers’ rights.” In the desire to be completely grammatical, however, they insisted on the dreaded apostrophe. I suggested “golfing rights,” or perhaps “the right to golf.”
No, the apostrophe was baked into the updated bylaws and approved by the membership. This might not have been a big headache if people kept things consistent and used “golfer-s-apostrophe” every time. But that didn’t happen, and I was constantly editing it to be correct, and avoiding arguments and grammar shaming.
Shortly thereafter, a new building was purchased and remodeled for the organization. Offices were designed, reception areas had high-end finishes and there were meeting spaces and a store on the premises. The terrazzo floors were donated by one of the board members who owned a flooring company. As another sizable gift to the organization, he had one of his artisans inlay the logo, seal and mission statement in bronze in the floor. It was a beauty to behold.
(You see where this is headed?)
Alas, he or his artisan made a guess at apostrophe placement, and it ended up reading as “golfer’s rights.” I saw it and hid in my office, but one of the board members sought me out to ask my English teacher opinion. Another board member called to ask, and I figured out that neither of them knew the other was asking.
To ward off more phone calls, I decided to lay the matter at my boss’s feet, which was good timing because a board meeting was happening that night, and it was on the agenda. When I came to his door, he immediately asked me about it.
I gave a cagey answer. Grammatically, it could work because the many are one? What was in the floor would work, but it is not what the bylaws say.
I heard later that this board meeting went long, hot and heavy, back and forth about the apostrophe. The flooring contractor (heir apparent to the role of president in two years) took great offense to the dispute, feeling slighted that his gift, his goodwill and his creativity were not appreciated enough. One of his arguments was “I didn’t charge you a dime for that!” (which, if he had asked me, was not his best talking point). But I don’t blame him a bit. It was a substantial gift, and a public tongue-lashing.
The result of the meeting was a) the flooring guy said it could be fixed, b) he would charge for the retail value of the work, not just labor and materials, and c) bye, Felicia. He resigned from the board, and after a couple more events, he left the group entirely. It was a loss for the organization as he was a big golfer, played in lots of tournaments, and had a strong network of affluent prospective members.
But the “s-apostrophe-or-die” crowd was willing to die on that hill, no matter who flounced.
Another instance recently of the apostrophe causing issues came up among the independent author circles I find myself in these days. Apparently, Google Docs and Word sometimes use “plain” quotation marks and apostrophes, and sometimes, they are “curly.” This depends on the typeface and also whether or not you have them enabled in Word settings.
Whatever the case, someone was uploading their novel into a publishing platform, and his thousands of apostrophes and quotation marks were flagged. It was a huge headache—one that the discussion circle tossed around for a couple of days. Out of that came the term “impostrophe.” What is that thing if it’s not an apostrophe? An imposter among us!
A few days after that, I was in a workshop with the incomparable Aaron Draplin and he pointed out that the impostrophe is really the “prime” symbol, used to indicate “foot” as in 5’10” (my keyboard doesn’t have the prime mark). It can also be the symbol for minute in longitude and latitude coordinates.
Ah ha! Let’s look to the graphic designers for answers!
CreativePro.com blogger Irene Strizver sums it up beautifully in this article, describing the difference and confusion between dumb and smart/curly marks.
Another mystery solved, another life saved.
As an editor, it is my job to know what’s what, and when to use this or that. But I hope I can perform the needed corrections humbly, humanely and humorously. Life is too short for pedantry or shaming. While there are style guides to follow and rules of grammar in our baffling English language, there is also room for elegant variation, cultural differences, language shift, funny mispronunciations and grace.
Minor corrections made for clarity, and to add "its" to the list of possessive pronouns that don't take an apostrophe. "It's" is a contraction and does. Clear as mud?